Starting Over - Again



I'm really quite nervous to start this post. 

It's been an incredibly long time since I sat and wrote a blog post. In fact, it's been about three years and so much has changed in that time. Part of me stopped because I ended up getting busy with my degree but also because I lost motivation and was unsure what to do or where to go. 

I've obviously grown a lot, I'm three years older and wiser and I graduated from university with a First Class in Orchestral Performance. That almost seems like a lifetime ago. 

Isn't life strange at the moment? We're in the middle of a pandemic and the whole world is on lockdown. Never have I experienced anything like it, and hopefully I will never have to experience anything like it again. Currently unable to go anywhere, it's a weird time for all of us and I don't know about you but I'm struggling with the emotional and mental play that this is having on us all. 

I struggle anyway, I have anxious periods and I have counselling for various reasons, so without that at the moment life is a bit strange. I'm also not able to do any of my usual things and I'm usually always really busy. I stopped blogging because I lost my mojo as it were, I lost the love. 

At the moment, I feel so lost. I've graduated and now what? I currently have no real passion in my life that excites me and there's nothing motivating me or inspiring me to achieve, and for me that's hard. I'm not sure what I want to do with my life and I feel stuck at a cross roads. 

I guess there's some good to come out of this, it's making us all stop and really think about the most important things in life. It's almost like it's resetting everything - we're not using cars as much and we are having to communicate with those we love through words. We're allowed out for one walk/run/cycle a day and to me this is blissful. It's allowed me to connect with nature and I have found new walks and discovered things I didn't know existed. Being outside is so important for me, I love hearing the birds sing and the wind in the trees. 

I feel that with all the awful stuff that is going on, there is definitely something beautiful about this time. I'm using it to start new habits and create a better relationship with myself. I have begun to do Lilly Sabri workouts every morning when I wake up, and it gives me a new found energy in the morning not to mention the fact it is strengthening. 

I'm trying to keep myself positive but I know that in the back of my mind there is the niggle of uncertainty of when are we going to get back to normal. Not knowing is the worst. I have decided though to try and commit to writing more blog posts (as it's something that I enjoy) 

For some unknown reason I have also decided that I will start making videos and sharing them. I have wanted to do it for so long but never had the courage to do so. But here we are and I may as well make use of the time and start something new. I do feel as though this is new beginnings for us all and we can use it to make a positive impact. 

I'm quite nervous to do this but if I don't even attempt, I will never know if I was able to.
I care far too much about what other people think, so to me this is a huuuuuge thing but also I know that you've got to start somewhere and start small. Things just don't instantly take off. But here's for want of trying!! 

I think I need to be more me and less trying to be what other people want me to be. 
I need to be authentic. 

This is me. This is my life!

That being said does anyone have any tips or tricks? 

Let me know what you think! 
Lots of Love

Victoria xx

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