New Beginnings...
19:52
The last five years or so have been challenging, exhausting and
emotional. For the most part they changed me into someone I could barely
recognise anymore, I felt drowned and could barely keep up with what was going
on, let alone begin new adventures for myself. Something's along the way,
however, did teach me things - things that I needed to learn. You make
mistakes, you get hurt, you move on. As someone said to me once "it won't be the first time you get hurt and
hopefully it won't be the last time - we need these experiences to show us the
mistakes so we can learn from them and move on.'
For ages I was stuck in the mentality that meant everything I did was awful and I felt
shit all the time. Recently, I have begun to look at life more positively and
with a little help from someone who means the world it means I've been much
happier than I have been for a long time. I have begun to like who I am and
become more comfortable with myself, looking at things from a new perspective
and looking at the positive things, not looking back into the past, because the
past is in the past - it has happened and you can't do a thing to change it as everything happens for a reason. Your
past shapes who you are today, it might make you weaker or it might make you
stronger. You use it to your ability; whether you dwell on the past or whether
you look at it and think "yeah that has happened and I didn't like it, but
I can't do anything to change it so I'll learn from it and move on." You
can't change what has happened but you can learn from your mistakes made and
you can use it to change your future and sculpt it into something you'd like to
live. Someone asked 'Have you ever
thought that if you tried to look for the good things, you might be happier?
And wouldn't get upset by every little detail?' Rather than looking at the negative things,
look at the good things and smile.
To me, it's kinda scary to feel like this, mainly because after so long
you get comfortable
with feeling sad and unhappy and you don't feel like you
can get out of it. Now I'm in a whole new territory, trying to find my feet -
there are still doubts in my mind that this won't last for long or that
something will happen and I will be back to square one, but I'm going to take
each day as it comes. I think back to where I was a year ago - even 6 months
ago - and look to where I am now and I realise just how far I have come. A year
ago, if people took the slightest bit of time to reply to a text, I would
become paranoid and text them saying 'do you hate me? what have I done?' or if
someone jokingly sent me a text calling me something rude, I'd believe them and
sit for hours thinking it over. 6 months ago, I was a mess - four panic attacks
every day, feeling like crap and not wanting to do much. But now despite a few
days where I was stressed and feeling sad, it seems the majority of the time
I'm really good and feeling sad lasts a couple of hours and then I'm back to
normal. The panic attacks happen very rarely at the moment and I'm beginning to
look forward to what will come.
So with this realisation, I've decided that although it might take some
time to feel comfortable with this new me and to learn to love myself, this new
Victoria will be much better than the old one. I've spent too long living in
the past and feeling sad and as things in my life seem to be taking a turn for
the better; it's time to look forward and think positively!
Do the
things that make you happy, don't do the things that everyone wants you to do
because that is the way you become unhappy. Be yourself, because no one can be.
Don't go looking for things, just live the moment and you never know what might
be round the corner waiting for you.
Victoria xx
"The struggle you're in today is the strength you need for tomorrow" - Robert Trew
These are the words that Dakota Wint speaks:
I was thinking todayThat we’re all gonna die one day
And I was thinking of all the things that I take for granted
And sometimes I forget how blessed I am
And I just wanted to say that if you’re ever feeling down
Truly take a moment out of your day to think of everything that you cherish
Go squeeze someone you love
put your heart and soul into that hug
and don’t let go until you both can’t breathe
Go make a friend with someone completely random
Hold the door open for someone
and if they don’t even acknowledge you
just smile
never stop smiling
And if you’re ever feeling lost
take a chance
If you’ve got nowhere to go any road will get you there
Dance
and sing
Like no one’s watching
If you like someone
tell them
Laugh at the stupid jokes only you and your best friend find funny
Laugh until your stomach hurts
And if you’ve ever been mean to anyone
And never got the chance to say sorry
Apologize
Life’s too short to waste your time being a jerk
And if people are mean to you for no reason
Screw ‘em
Be yourself because nobody else can be
And if you want to cry
cry
Let it out
Expectation is the root of all heartache
The best thing to do is to stop thinking
And to just let things happen
And if the world ever makes you feel small
Look up at the stars and know someone somewhere is doing the same thing
and just because today might’ve been a terrible day
doesn’t mean tomorrow won’t be the best day of your entire life
you just have to wake up and get there
We learn from experience that we never really learn anything from experience
We never know what’s gonna happen
and that’s the thing about life
You just have to breathe every moment in like it’s your last
& never look back
& never regret
& always stay happy
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